So out of no where a rush of motivation and a desire to do overcame me. I did not have to tutor today (yay!) so when I got home I immediately started doing some cleaning that I had been meaning to get to for a long time. After that I proceeded to make dinner. The dinner was inspired by a recipee I had read in Martha Stewart’s “body + soul.” It was a pasta dish, and that was enough I guess to spiral me off on creating a romantic evening. I broke out our place mats and cloth napkins (which we haven’t used in months), lit some candles, poured some wine, put flowers on the table and created a beautiful presentation with the food. I know it was a surprise to Chris who walked in the door with Frank Sinatra playing and candles lit everywhere. He was probably expecting to see me slumped in my chair, pouting, with leftovers heating up in the microwave.
I felt like I had accomplished something. I felt good about myself, finally. I’ve noticed that I always feel good after cooking a delicious, creative meal. It’s like someone has pat me on the back and said, “See, you aren’t a failure of wife.” haha. Now I don’t really thing I’m a failure, I am just constantly doubting myself in this new role. I’m never sure if I’m doing it quite right. I did not have a happy, healthy, home to grow in. So sometimes I feel like I am doing this blindly. But when I can create a lovely meal for myself and my husband, I feel hopeful. I hope this is the beginning of me crawling my way out of a slump.