If you were to ask me where I would be today 5 years ago, I definitely would not have said a nanny for a family in NH. I would have told you I’d be living in another part of the world helping the poor and afflicted in some way. Dreaming big was something I spent a lot of time doing. I saw myself doing great things with an education I had worked so hard to get. But here I am sitting on someone elses’ front porch enjoying the sunshine after a gray winter in New Hampshire.
I’ve let the realities of life knock me down and keep me from dreaming. I think we discover that our dreams are much harder to accomplish than we first suspected. To be honest I’m not sure what my dreams are anymore. I feel so much more lost than I did five years ago, about ready to graduate high school. My direction is gone. I just know that time keeps moving on and I can’t stop that. I’m afraid to jump and pick a direction to head in because what if it’s the wrong one? What if I find out I’m not good on that road, or it’s not what I thought it would be? Because by then you’ve invested time and money, and those are things you can’t get back. I wish someone would just tell me what to do. It would be easier that way wouldn’t it? I’d like to pick up my Jesus phone and say, “Hey God, now what?” If only it were that easy. 🙂