Controlling chaos has become my new job. I’ve been absent from writing because of 1. Exhaustion 2. Feeling overwhelmed and 3. Disappointment
I have tried to have a positive attitude about my new job but that has proven to be difficult. I am so unhappy with this job but know that I have no other options. I have cried (almost daily) and have even been dealing with anxiety when I get home from work! The children I am working with are of course adorable and I love them so much. I am also fortunate enough to work with some pretty great people. But those things are not outweighing the chaos. I also feel like I have been mislead about the school I work for and what my job turned out to be. There have been developing problems since I’ve started and they are escalating.
If I could just find some peace. So far the “peace” I’ve had is retreating to a nearby coffee shop on my lunch break where I sit down for the first time on something other than a banana stained floor, lean back in a cushy chair, and rest my ears from the screaming and crying to the sounds of soothing, eclectic music. (They do not have a teacher’s lounge or adequate staff room to go to on your lunch break so you are forced to eat in the hallway, your car, or at a nearby location). Everyone at work said that the first two weeks are the hardest. Well I just finished week three and I am feeling just as discouraged.
God please use me where I am…and if you could clue me into the process and reasons it would be greatly appreciated.