Today when I climbed into my car there was an unexpected gift on my steering wheel; the new Mumford and Sons album from my dear Hubster.
This is a purchased copy :)
I put it in and promptly blasted my speakers as I rolled my windows down. To me, Mumford is more than just good ole knee slappin’, foot stompin’, harmony belting music. Mumford represents a time that I felt on top of the world. It represents a clear split in the “before” and “after” of this year. On the coat tails of SXSW I had won free tickets to the Mumford, Edward Sharpe, and Old Crow Medicine Show concert on the LBJ library lawn. It was the end of spring break and I had been taking advantage of living in ATX during SXSW. I had been balancing work, school, and life and for the first time felt like, “Hey, I can do this.” Life was making sense and full of opportunity. We managed to get right up front and a night of dancing and singing at the top of my lungs commenced. It was one of the best shows I have ever been to. No holding back; my heart syncing with the drums.
In the early days of that next week I was still basking in the glow of the music. I had watched the taping of the show that was streaming online over and over. I was still high on South By. Some grieving was subsiding and I was happy to be exactly where I was. I was content in knowing that we were meant to start a family someday. I was happy that we were young and taking advantage of living in one of the best cities in the States before having children. I was doing well in school and could see my future in front of me. I was feeling confirmation that I was doing exactly what I was meant to.
It was only 4 days after the Mumford show that life became the “after”. It seemed that the concert had happened in another life time. I was violently kicked off my mountain down into the deep valley. In those first few months I had stopped singing. I just couldn’t. And as I mentioned in previous posts,I couldn’t connect with God. The way that I have always connected with Him is through worship. It took months for me to able to sing during worship again. But during that time of turmoil, I found solace in the lyrics of Mumford & Sons. They spoke to the darkness, desperation, confusion, and yearning for light and grace I was experiencing. Their songs blatantly question and express their anger but in a way that says, I know He’s still there.
Several months later, much has happened, and the Hubster and I have moved to a different part of town. This is something we fought against, did not want to do, was another repercussion of the year that we had no control over. I had also been doing some crazy traveling and we were experiencing intense financial hardship. We were a couple of unsettled, frazzled, beaten down, homeless wanderers.
Lately I have been feeling like we are entering a time of settling (despite what my bedroom full of boxes says…). A time of regaining our footing. A time of planting down new roots. I am looking past the negative to see the potential growth. How fitting that Mumford should come out with their new album during this season. A reminder of hope, and joy in deep sorrow and loss. A reminder that I am seeing purpose again. A reminder that I am seeing my future again. A reminder that life goes on and music is made.